BPD therapy philosophy (a nons perspective)

If you are a non in the throws of your BPD break up. At some point you are going to seek an understanding of what's going on. Its what led you here, after all. I am far from a doctor, therapist or shrink. Many of whom will say to a non. "you are a co dependant and you need to stop what you are doing because your BPD needs care and understanding". That may be true, but it can be confusing and a little insulting too. It's also annoying because it labels all the love, emotion, time, memories, compassion, effort and heart that you put into this relationship as foolish romantic love. Silly you. In many ways it feels like a slap it the face. It's like the professional is saying. "It's your fault this happened, because you're just a love junkie and you're hurting this person by caring"... Hey doc. If I want to be insulted, I'd call my BPD.

What's worse is this "No tough love theory"is dangerous for the non to hear because it starts making us feel guilty for what happened and triggers our compassion too. All while we are traumatized, if not, suffering a total collapse of our world or identity. Right now you're in the worst pain you've ever felt and on the verge of nervous break down. A non in this state just wants this pain to go away and cannot afford to start focusing on how much sympathy the BPD needs. From where we stand. We already know the result of giving a BPD a ton of sympathy. Hey doc...I tried that for thousands of hours. Charge free! She punched me in the face!

I don't want to beat up on the therapy profession or start some pharmaceutical company conspiracy theory. However it does raise the question. If you don't hammer the BPD that what they are doing is a problem and label the non as part of the problem. Doesn't that make you the enabler. Maybe a little codependent on that fee? To a silly love junkie like me, it could appear that you are trying to prolong the BPD's treatment and gain the non as another client. What was really curious is the people I found promoting the No tough love theory claimed to be recovered BPD's. Hey doc... WTF!!!!!

I admit, one of them was very calm and brought me some comfort with her videos. The other, not so much and was a bit fragile herself. All I really want is the person I love to get better. With or without me, if need be. Preferably with. That's not going to happen and her tales of shock therapy as a teen lead me to wonder if you guys are just guessing at a hundred bucks a clip... Hey doc. She already maxed out the credit.

In conclusion, I venture to guess that maybe tough love fails because it's not tough enough. Perhaps the best therapy for BPD might be an army style boot camp and not a mental ward. If they won't change until they want to. Maybe they need some motivation. Since serious trauma has programmed them this way. I can only assume the answer lies in breaking that programming down then rebuilding it with a new healthy self esteem. It's more compassionate then drugging them up or hoping they hit rock bottom. I bet it would be more effective and take less time.... Hey doc. Its nicer then shock therapy. Just saying.