For all you who are wondering if you will ever see your BPD ex again. In my experience it's only a matter of time.
I remember the end of my relationship with Medusa. She had disappeared smoking crack and finally called me, to tell me, she lent her car to a guy to cop some more crack and he never came back. Instead of hanging up, I enlisted my poor friend to drive me to her. We picked her up at the white trash house and went searching for her car in a very rough neighborhood for hours. My friend hated her guts and still does to this day.
We finally found the car and my friend went home. As I was driving her home, I criticized her for lending her car to a skelly crack head and she punched me in the throat. Nearly causing an accident. I took a bus home.
The next day she called and apologized. She was exhausted from partying and like many times before wanted me to come sit with her.
I took the bus and when I got there she asked me to apply coca butter to her body. I did this many times before. As night time approached she was feeling better and then suddenly decided to inform me she was going out on a date with some other guy. I wanted to leave but she made me stay in her room until the guy picked her up. I watched from her window as my girlfriend drove away in some older guys luxury car. I was in shock. She showed no emotion and belittled me for my lack of money and maturity. After she left I walked home. She never called again and neither did I. I was screwed up for a while after that, but knew she was going to make that guys life a living hell. A year later via a small world, that guys cousin, who was friends with my friend (coincidentally a childhood female friend who is the next BPD girl I will talk about) found out that Medusa had gotten into a brawl with that guy and she busted her breast implant. The guys whole family hated her.
Three years after our relationship was over and I had totally forgotten about the entire thing, she made her return. I woke up at 6 am to a knock on my window. I looked outside and saw this hot chick I did not recognize. I said. "who are you"? She said. "its me Medusa". She had grown her hair long and lost some weight. So I let her in for a bit then went to my friends house. We were alone in the kitchen and she began to confess how horrible she was to me. I had buried it so deep that when I realized what she was saying, the muscles in my face began contorting before I realized what was going on. The emotion hit me and I ran into the bathroom before my friend came back into the room. We went to rent a motel room and had crazy sex with ice cubes. I thought she had changed but then she dropped the old, " when your my age you will understand" line. I was her age now and did understand. She was a loser. She wanted to get back together but knew my family knew about her and didn't push it. I said I'd call but there was no way I was going to put myself through that hell again. I contacted her on Face book recently. She's 44 now and still single. She just broke up with someone. Nothing has changed except her looks are gone.
What led to her BPD? My guess is being adopted by a cold horrible crow of a mother who tortured her father. That bitch was a nasty, gold digging, ugly woman who should have been slapped in her yenta mouth every time she opened it. A total miserable C#@! That poor husband was too weak to protect his daughter or himself.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Thursday, December 16, 2010
BPD relationship horror story...Episode two: The Non strikes back
I was hanging out with Medusa at her parents house in a upper class Jewish neighborhood. We were in her bed room having sex and watching her favorite show "The Commish". I hated that show. She made a phone call and suddenly, told me she was going to her friends house for an hour. She insisted I wait and she would be right back. Long story short, she never came back. Stranded there, I waited and waited and waited. In the morning I heard her miserable mother complaining about her to her grandmother. Mom was a witch of a yenta and Dad was a sweet exhausted man. Medusa was adopted.
Anyway, I'm in her room hiding and not knowing what to do. Mom was really bitching loud and had no idea I was there. I was panicking as I heard her right outside the door. She was in mid bitch as she opened the door with folded laundry. She saw me and let out a hellishly long and loud scream, dropping the laundry. It was really uncomfortable so I left.
I was a good twenty miles from home, with no car or money. So, I began walking home. I had made the walk a several times before the relationship was over. This time I took a route that led me past a house that Medusa brought me too once before. A white trash couple lived there and she claimed to sit their kid. Strange gig for a girl pulling 800 a night stripping. As I passed the house, I saw the woman walking the dog and informed her of my situation. She said, she knew where Medusa was and made a phone call.
I waited in the white trash home for an hour and Medusa showed up pissed off and ready to brawl. It was on. She attacked me with punches. I had to control her and avoid being hit, while telling her to stop. Finally, she fell to the ground and bit my leg. She wasn't stopping and it hurt, so... I wound up and slapped her in the face like it was a hand ball. She finally let go, held her face and said. " That was a good one".
Where was she all night....... Smoking crack with God knows who.
I walked home after that. If you ever had to walk twenty miles to get home after a leg bite. It really sucks.
Anyway, I'm in her room hiding and not knowing what to do. Mom was really bitching loud and had no idea I was there. I was panicking as I heard her right outside the door. She was in mid bitch as she opened the door with folded laundry. She saw me and let out a hellishly long and loud scream, dropping the laundry. It was really uncomfortable so I left.
I was a good twenty miles from home, with no car or money. So, I began walking home. I had made the walk a several times before the relationship was over. This time I took a route that led me past a house that Medusa brought me too once before. A white trash couple lived there and she claimed to sit their kid. Strange gig for a girl pulling 800 a night stripping. As I passed the house, I saw the woman walking the dog and informed her of my situation. She said, she knew where Medusa was and made a phone call.
I waited in the white trash home for an hour and Medusa showed up pissed off and ready to brawl. It was on. She attacked me with punches. I had to control her and avoid being hit, while telling her to stop. Finally, she fell to the ground and bit my leg. She wasn't stopping and it hurt, so... I wound up and slapped her in the face like it was a hand ball. She finally let go, held her face and said. " That was a good one".
Where was she all night....... Smoking crack with God knows who.
I walked home after that. If you ever had to walk twenty miles to get home after a leg bite. It really sucks.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
BPD relationship horror story............ Episode one: A NEW LOW
SERIES INTRODUCTION. Having had a bunch of relationships, with borderline girls, I have a few tales to tell. The name will be changed to protect the totally guilty. Having just suffered through the worst of these relationships, I found that reading others stories very helpful. You need to sever the silly notion that this troubled little girl is anything more then a soul stealing succubus from hell. You also need to laugh this relationship off.
Once upon a time, in 1990, I met a girl named Medusa. We met in a club when she hip checked me as I was walking past. I was 20 and she was 24. I remember that, because through out our relationship, she kept reminding me, when I was her age, I'd understand, what ever stupid thing she was trying to convince me of. She was really hot, and wild, and bragged, that she had been in playboy, although I never saw the pictures. Of course.
I had been sexually active since fifteen, but Medusa was something else. She was aggressive and the first girl I'd ever had that masturbated, while we were doing it. What's more was, she did this and brought herself to a exploding and very messy orgasm. To this day, I have never seen anything like it. I was hooked. Jumping forward.....
One day she suggested that we have a threesome with her friend. At this point in the relationship I was totally whipped and just went along with whatever she wanted. I was well aware of the consequences of provoking her dark side. She was a classic verbally and physically abusive BPD girl. To be honest, I was excited for the new sexual thrill and very liberal about sex at the time... Stupid kid. She once asked my permission to be a stripper and I was cool with it. I appreciated the honesty but now realize she had been stripping all along... Stupid kid.
Anyway we went to a strip club to meet her friend. Having no car of my own, I drove hers. We met the girl and she was nice but I instinctively new not to look at her or talk more then I had to, to be polite. It didn't matter because after two shots of Jack Daniels, Medusa started her verbal abuse and began degrading me in front of her. The girl and bartender chick were in shock too and I just sat there taking it.
Medusa then told me to drive her somewhere, to get cocaine. I refused and she went nuts trying to get her keys from me. I knew she was too drunk to drive, so I ran out of the bar. Moments later she sent the biggest muscle bound bouncer out to get me. I remember hiding behind a building and watching this behemoth searching for me. I called him over and explained the situation. I said she's drunk and gave him the keys. He was cool and very understanding.
Medusa saw us talking and came flying across the parking lot to attack me like a screaming lunatic. The bouncer grabbed her a by the back of her arms and lifted off the ground. She was like a rabid dog screaming insults at me and kicking. I thing that I'll never forget was, she began pushing her ass into the bouncer and telling me that I was a loser and that this was a real man. It was quite humiliating.
He carried her back into the bar and would not let her have her keys. I was stranded calling for a ride and moments later she came out with some total stranger. She convinced this old barfly to give her a ride to get the coke. When she left the bouncer insisted I come in and called me a cab. The girl was very sweet to me.
Why I let Medusa hoover me back into the relationship I will never know and can't remember. To my total shame, I do remember she made me call that girl and insult her on her answering machine to prove my love. Years after the relationship was over, I spotted the girl, in the mall, and went to her and gave her the full apology, she deserved.
Once upon a time, in 1990, I met a girl named Medusa. We met in a club when she hip checked me as I was walking past. I was 20 and she was 24. I remember that, because through out our relationship, she kept reminding me, when I was her age, I'd understand, what ever stupid thing she was trying to convince me of. She was really hot, and wild, and bragged, that she had been in playboy, although I never saw the pictures. Of course.
I had been sexually active since fifteen, but Medusa was something else. She was aggressive and the first girl I'd ever had that masturbated, while we were doing it. What's more was, she did this and brought herself to a exploding and very messy orgasm. To this day, I have never seen anything like it. I was hooked. Jumping forward.....
One day she suggested that we have a threesome with her friend. At this point in the relationship I was totally whipped and just went along with whatever she wanted. I was well aware of the consequences of provoking her dark side. She was a classic verbally and physically abusive BPD girl. To be honest, I was excited for the new sexual thrill and very liberal about sex at the time... Stupid kid. She once asked my permission to be a stripper and I was cool with it. I appreciated the honesty but now realize she had been stripping all along... Stupid kid.
Anyway we went to a strip club to meet her friend. Having no car of my own, I drove hers. We met the girl and she was nice but I instinctively new not to look at her or talk more then I had to, to be polite. It didn't matter because after two shots of Jack Daniels, Medusa started her verbal abuse and began degrading me in front of her. The girl and bartender chick were in shock too and I just sat there taking it.
Medusa then told me to drive her somewhere, to get cocaine. I refused and she went nuts trying to get her keys from me. I knew she was too drunk to drive, so I ran out of the bar. Moments later she sent the biggest muscle bound bouncer out to get me. I remember hiding behind a building and watching this behemoth searching for me. I called him over and explained the situation. I said she's drunk and gave him the keys. He was cool and very understanding.
Medusa saw us talking and came flying across the parking lot to attack me like a screaming lunatic. The bouncer grabbed her a by the back of her arms and lifted off the ground. She was like a rabid dog screaming insults at me and kicking. I thing that I'll never forget was, she began pushing her ass into the bouncer and telling me that I was a loser and that this was a real man. It was quite humiliating.
He carried her back into the bar and would not let her have her keys. I was stranded calling for a ride and moments later she came out with some total stranger. She convinced this old barfly to give her a ride to get the coke. When she left the bouncer insisted I come in and called me a cab. The girl was very sweet to me.
Why I let Medusa hoover me back into the relationship I will never know and can't remember. To my total shame, I do remember she made me call that girl and insult her on her answering machine to prove my love. Years after the relationship was over, I spotted the girl, in the mall, and went to her and gave her the full apology, she deserved.
BPD: dumped me part 2 WHY?
HOW COULD SHE/HE DO THIS TO ME?
It's the question I asked myself, over and over. Why? There are lots of reasons, but none have anything to do with you. I'm telling you this because it is 100% true and I want you to avoid a lot more pain that you will cause yourself. The question of why will lead you to a lot of harsh self criticism and that will lead you to depression and self destruction.
You will wonder what is wrong with you and find a million possibilities. Even small ones will be amplified by your pain. You will obsessively scrutinize every bad habit, physical flaw, personality trait and unfortunate circumstance you may have. You will back track every conversation and memory searching for what you may have said or done to make them do this. You are searching for the answer so you can address or fix this horrible mess. Unfortunately, you will never be able to answer this question because you are looking in the wrong place.
Here is the truth?
You are blaming yourself for what they have done. Your pain is so unbearable because the your love for them has blinded you. To answer the question, why, lies solely with in them. That's were the flaw is. The reason you are struggling is because they have put you in a no win situation. It's a very tough spot to be in and very dangerous one too.
You didn't want this. You don't want to lose them. You fear pushing them further away by expressing your anger at their sudden act of total betrayal. You are in shock and your mind searches for a reasonable way stop the pain. You swallow your anger, your pride and self dignity in one gulp and opt to talk and try work this out.
The danger here is in your denial to face the pain of the truth and act logically. Denial is a tricky thing. It's a self defense mechanism that kicks in to protect you from extreme pain. The kind of pain anyone would feel from being betrayed by the person they love most. Unfortunately, denial can keep you there in a prolonged state of acceptable pain. It cannot heal you. Only facing, excepting and dealing with the painful truth can do that.
Do not deny your anger or suppress it. You have every reason to be angry and it will help you face this pain. The truth is you have been betrayed and abused. No matter how much you love your BPD girl/guy. This behavior is unacceptable and unworthy of you. To live in denial of that fact, and to ask for more, is to abuse yourself.
If you understand this, it can help you understand your BPD girl/guy and answer the question. How could they do this to me? You will know that the one you love so much is a very sick person who's stuck in denial and managing an extreme amount of pain. The kind of pain that anyone would feel from being betrayed by a parent or an extremely traumatic childhood experience. Abandonment, abuse, neglect, molestation or all of the above. This stunts the development of healthy emotions like empathy and fosters survival habits like denial and lying to get things you want.
Imagine for a moment the anger they have been suppressing or perhaps were disciplined into suppressing since childhood. They cannot face that pain and could not develop the tools to do so. That rage boils out now as abuse, self abuse, anxiety, paranoia and other symptoms, depending on the BPD person's experience. Emotionally they are still children with no self control.
That's why, they can't be trusted, when you are not in the room. That's why they cheated on you, and lied, to your face. That's why, they suddenly went cold, and have no empathy, for your pain. That's the reason why. That's the reason why. That's the reason why.
It's normal to sympathize. I know you want to help. However all your efforts to do so, will help about as much, as the friend who just consoled you, by saying. "Get over it". I imagine. Your BPD girl/guy will face it, when they do, or they won't. Just like you will.
I hope this helps you realize that, it had nothing to do you, or anything you did. Also the danger you are in, if you deny your anger, and let your sympathy drag you down, with her/him. I promise you, I had to go to a very dark painful place, to figure this out. I'll tell you about it someday.
Until then, think of this. Your break up is very similar to a kid taking his ball, and going home, because he couldn't have his way, or was afraid he would lose. He's now punishing you, by ruining the game. If you let him have his way he's controlling you, and the game is only fun, for him. Only when he's alone and see's you are having more fun playing freeze tag, will he feel bad. For himself. That's usually when he comes running out with his ball pretending nothing happened.
It's the question I asked myself, over and over. Why? There are lots of reasons, but none have anything to do with you. I'm telling you this because it is 100% true and I want you to avoid a lot more pain that you will cause yourself. The question of why will lead you to a lot of harsh self criticism and that will lead you to depression and self destruction.
You will wonder what is wrong with you and find a million possibilities. Even small ones will be amplified by your pain. You will obsessively scrutinize every bad habit, physical flaw, personality trait and unfortunate circumstance you may have. You will back track every conversation and memory searching for what you may have said or done to make them do this. You are searching for the answer so you can address or fix this horrible mess. Unfortunately, you will never be able to answer this question because you are looking in the wrong place.
Here is the truth?
You are blaming yourself for what they have done. Your pain is so unbearable because the your love for them has blinded you. To answer the question, why, lies solely with in them. That's were the flaw is. The reason you are struggling is because they have put you in a no win situation. It's a very tough spot to be in and very dangerous one too.
You didn't want this. You don't want to lose them. You fear pushing them further away by expressing your anger at their sudden act of total betrayal. You are in shock and your mind searches for a reasonable way stop the pain. You swallow your anger, your pride and self dignity in one gulp and opt to talk and try work this out.
The danger here is in your denial to face the pain of the truth and act logically. Denial is a tricky thing. It's a self defense mechanism that kicks in to protect you from extreme pain. The kind of pain anyone would feel from being betrayed by the person they love most. Unfortunately, denial can keep you there in a prolonged state of acceptable pain. It cannot heal you. Only facing, excepting and dealing with the painful truth can do that.
Do not deny your anger or suppress it. You have every reason to be angry and it will help you face this pain. The truth is you have been betrayed and abused. No matter how much you love your BPD girl/guy. This behavior is unacceptable and unworthy of you. To live in denial of that fact, and to ask for more, is to abuse yourself.
If you understand this, it can help you understand your BPD girl/guy and answer the question. How could they do this to me? You will know that the one you love so much is a very sick person who's stuck in denial and managing an extreme amount of pain. The kind of pain that anyone would feel from being betrayed by a parent or an extremely traumatic childhood experience. Abandonment, abuse, neglect, molestation or all of the above. This stunts the development of healthy emotions like empathy and fosters survival habits like denial and lying to get things you want.
Imagine for a moment the anger they have been suppressing or perhaps were disciplined into suppressing since childhood. They cannot face that pain and could not develop the tools to do so. That rage boils out now as abuse, self abuse, anxiety, paranoia and other symptoms, depending on the BPD person's experience. Emotionally they are still children with no self control.
That's why, they can't be trusted, when you are not in the room. That's why they cheated on you, and lied, to your face. That's why, they suddenly went cold, and have no empathy, for your pain. That's the reason why. That's the reason why. That's the reason why.
It's normal to sympathize. I know you want to help. However all your efforts to do so, will help about as much, as the friend who just consoled you, by saying. "Get over it". I imagine. Your BPD girl/guy will face it, when they do, or they won't. Just like you will.
I hope this helps you realize that, it had nothing to do you, or anything you did. Also the danger you are in, if you deny your anger, and let your sympathy drag you down, with her/him. I promise you, I had to go to a very dark painful place, to figure this out. I'll tell you about it someday.
Until then, think of this. Your break up is very similar to a kid taking his ball, and going home, because he couldn't have his way, or was afraid he would lose. He's now punishing you, by ruining the game. If you let him have his way he's controlling you, and the game is only fun, for him. Only when he's alone and see's you are having more fun playing freeze tag, will he feel bad. For himself. That's usually when he comes running out with his ball pretending nothing happened.
Monday, December 13, 2010
BPD therapy philosophy (a nons perspective)
If you are a non in the throws of your BPD break up. At some point you are going to seek an understanding of what's going on. Its what led you here, after all. I am far from a doctor, therapist or shrink. Many of whom will say to a non. "you are a co dependant and you need to stop what you are doing because your BPD needs care and understanding". That may be true, but it can be confusing and a little insulting too. It's also annoying because it labels all the love, emotion, time, memories, compassion, effort and heart that you put into this relationship as foolish romantic love. Silly you. In many ways it feels like a slap it the face. It's like the professional is saying. "It's your fault this happened, because you're just a love junkie and you're hurting this person by caring"... Hey doc. If I want to be insulted, I'd call my BPD.
What's worse is this "No tough love theory"is dangerous for the non to hear because it starts making us feel guilty for what happened and triggers our compassion too. All while we are traumatized, if not, suffering a total collapse of our world or identity. Right now you're in the worst pain you've ever felt and on the verge of nervous break down. A non in this state just wants this pain to go away and cannot afford to start focusing on how much sympathy the BPD needs. From where we stand. We already know the result of giving a BPD a ton of sympathy. Hey doc...I tried that for thousands of hours. Charge free! She punched me in the face!
I don't want to beat up on the therapy profession or start some pharmaceutical company conspiracy theory. However it does raise the question. If you don't hammer the BPD that what they are doing is a problem and label the non as part of the problem. Doesn't that make you the enabler. Maybe a little codependent on that fee? To a silly love junkie like me, it could appear that you are trying to prolong the BPD's treatment and gain the non as another client. What was really curious is the people I found promoting the No tough love theory claimed to be recovered BPD's. Hey doc... WTF!!!!!
I admit, one of them was very calm and brought me some comfort with her videos. The other, not so much and was a bit fragile herself. All I really want is the person I love to get better. With or without me, if need be. Preferably with. That's not going to happen and her tales of shock therapy as a teen lead me to wonder if you guys are just guessing at a hundred bucks a clip... Hey doc. She already maxed out the credit.
In conclusion, I venture to guess that maybe tough love fails because it's not tough enough. Perhaps the best therapy for BPD might be an army style boot camp and not a mental ward. If they won't change until they want to. Maybe they need some motivation. Since serious trauma has programmed them this way. I can only assume the answer lies in breaking that programming down then rebuilding it with a new healthy self esteem. It's more compassionate then drugging them up or hoping they hit rock bottom. I bet it would be more effective and take less time.... Hey doc. Its nicer then shock therapy. Just saying.
What's worse is this "No tough love theory"is dangerous for the non to hear because it starts making us feel guilty for what happened and triggers our compassion too. All while we are traumatized, if not, suffering a total collapse of our world or identity. Right now you're in the worst pain you've ever felt and on the verge of nervous break down. A non in this state just wants this pain to go away and cannot afford to start focusing on how much sympathy the BPD needs. From where we stand. We already know the result of giving a BPD a ton of sympathy. Hey doc...I tried that for thousands of hours. Charge free! She punched me in the face!
I don't want to beat up on the therapy profession or start some pharmaceutical company conspiracy theory. However it does raise the question. If you don't hammer the BPD that what they are doing is a problem and label the non as part of the problem. Doesn't that make you the enabler. Maybe a little codependent on that fee? To a silly love junkie like me, it could appear that you are trying to prolong the BPD's treatment and gain the non as another client. What was really curious is the people I found promoting the No tough love theory claimed to be recovered BPD's. Hey doc... WTF!!!!!
I admit, one of them was very calm and brought me some comfort with her videos. The other, not so much and was a bit fragile herself. All I really want is the person I love to get better. With or without me, if need be. Preferably with. That's not going to happen and her tales of shock therapy as a teen lead me to wonder if you guys are just guessing at a hundred bucks a clip... Hey doc. She already maxed out the credit.
In conclusion, I venture to guess that maybe tough love fails because it's not tough enough. Perhaps the best therapy for BPD might be an army style boot camp and not a mental ward. If they won't change until they want to. Maybe they need some motivation. Since serious trauma has programmed them this way. I can only assume the answer lies in breaking that programming down then rebuilding it with a new healthy self esteem. It's more compassionate then drugging them up or hoping they hit rock bottom. I bet it would be more effective and take less time.... Hey doc. Its nicer then shock therapy. Just saying.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
BPD Just dumped me. What do I do?
You have just been dumped and your BPD ex is already with some other guy. What should you do? The answer is nothing. Don't react to it. Sure that's a lot easier said then done. Especially since you feel like dying and the pain is unbearable. All you want in the world is to talk to them and express how much you love them. To prove to them your dedication and loyalty. You think if you could just make them see your sincerity and devotion they will realize you really care about this relationship and want this love to last forever... That's not going to work. They already believe that. They know it and it's why they are leaving with your heart as a trophy.
You want them back more then anything you have ever wanted in your life. Trust me, I know. I will save you the drama of how great it was, perhaps for another time. I want to focus on you right now and explain your relationship as it is. My dear friend your significant other has just declared war on you. Wake up right now!!! You are at war!!!
There is only one emotion you need to have right now and that is anger. Revel in it. Harness it. Hold yourself together with it. I mean it, because if you don't... If you allow one drop of sympathy for this person, you will spiral into an abyss of depression. A place they call home. You are in no state to compromise your self value by giving this sick person the satisfaction she/he is looking for. If you do you will only empower her/him. The only thing that will bring them back anyway, is your ability to care less then they do. Being that you really do care. You are going to have to summon your will to overcome this evil sneak attack on your soul. Anger is your best friend right now and motivational speaker. Never doubt that both are totally justified. (with in mature limits)
There is a ton of information that you need to know in detail. However, right now you are way behind in understanding what actually just happened. Here are a few things you need to know until you catch up with the reality of this nightmare.
Your girlfriend is possessed by Satan... Only kidding, but sometimes I really wonder.
Things to know right now:
1. The silent treatment is verbal abuse and it's intentional. Don't wait for that phone to ring. Two can play at that game and you better. Their lack of communication is an intentional avoidance of taking responsibility or admitting fault or injury. Any hint of an apology I got sounded forced or like a therapist texted it. It was not sincere.
2. Any attention, begging or pleading will empower them. This person does not love. They have mirrored you to get love and attention. That's why it felt so right. They need it in quantities no mortal can give.
3. They have done this before to many a guy and are expecting you to keep giving. They may call because now your suffering is just as satisfying as the love you gave them. Their concern is fake. You're on the other side now. Fear of abandonment vs fear of intimacy. Don't give them any satisfaction now. You got too close and they cannot let you closer but they'll enjoy the attention anyway. It wont help you. Pretending you don't really care is your only play. It may trigger their abandonment issue bringing them back. I know that's what you want, but don't fool yourself. They just proved they are not worthy of you. It may help to get some closure. In my experience they all come back sooner or later, but only because they need you. They remember how good you were to them. They may have just been dumped by another BPD or Narcissist. Maybe they were busted in their act and let go by someone with healthier boundaries. Maybe their current boyfriend got feed up with their drama. Don't be surprised. It will come when you least expect it. I had one three years later. When you are healed you wont take them back. That's closure.
Other things you need to know:
1. This has nothing to do with you. They are sick and you cannot help them.
2. This is the greatest day of your life. You just don't know it yet.
3. You are much stronger then they are in every way.
4. Even if you've humiliated yourself. They still can't win.
5. In my experience with 3 bpds. None have kept a relationship. They left a trail of train wrecks.
6. The new guy is going to suffer this too. Guaranteed.
7. This has nothing to do with your money, physical appearance or personality.
8. Don't try to understand mental illness.
9. You are going to look back and thank God this happened some day. Guaranteed.
10. You didn't do anything wrong.
11. You used to love being single before. You will again.
12. Your real soul mate is still searching for you and they are awesome.
13. I love you man.....
14. You will heal. They will not.
15. If you feel the need to help. Donate your time and money to abused children.
16. Adults are responsible for there actions. Child molesters were victims too once.
17. You are going to win this war. You already did.
18. Deep down they know they're not good enough for you.
19. Be proud of yourself. Honesty, truthfulness and loyalty are to be admired.
20. No contact is the key to healing now.
21. You just unloaded a huge problem on some sucker... FACT.
22. YOUR MISSION NOW IS TO GET BACK TO YOU. Anyway you look at it. Moving on helps you achieve your goal. Remember that confident guy she couldn't resist. The guy that laughed her right out of her pants. That's who you still are. You just trusted a loser and that happens to everyone. That's her shame not yours. Her loss too. Oh it's so their loss it's not even funny.
You want them back more then anything you have ever wanted in your life. Trust me, I know. I will save you the drama of how great it was, perhaps for another time. I want to focus on you right now and explain your relationship as it is. My dear friend your significant other has just declared war on you. Wake up right now!!! You are at war!!!
There is only one emotion you need to have right now and that is anger. Revel in it. Harness it. Hold yourself together with it. I mean it, because if you don't... If you allow one drop of sympathy for this person, you will spiral into an abyss of depression. A place they call home. You are in no state to compromise your self value by giving this sick person the satisfaction she/he is looking for. If you do you will only empower her/him. The only thing that will bring them back anyway, is your ability to care less then they do. Being that you really do care. You are going to have to summon your will to overcome this evil sneak attack on your soul. Anger is your best friend right now and motivational speaker. Never doubt that both are totally justified. (with in mature limits)
There is a ton of information that you need to know in detail. However, right now you are way behind in understanding what actually just happened. Here are a few things you need to know until you catch up with the reality of this nightmare.
Your girlfriend is possessed by Satan... Only kidding, but sometimes I really wonder.
Things to know right now:
1. The silent treatment is verbal abuse and it's intentional. Don't wait for that phone to ring. Two can play at that game and you better. Their lack of communication is an intentional avoidance of taking responsibility or admitting fault or injury. Any hint of an apology I got sounded forced or like a therapist texted it. It was not sincere.
2. Any attention, begging or pleading will empower them. This person does not love. They have mirrored you to get love and attention. That's why it felt so right. They need it in quantities no mortal can give.
3. They have done this before to many a guy and are expecting you to keep giving. They may call because now your suffering is just as satisfying as the love you gave them. Their concern is fake. You're on the other side now. Fear of abandonment vs fear of intimacy. Don't give them any satisfaction now. You got too close and they cannot let you closer but they'll enjoy the attention anyway. It wont help you. Pretending you don't really care is your only play. It may trigger their abandonment issue bringing them back. I know that's what you want, but don't fool yourself. They just proved they are not worthy of you. It may help to get some closure. In my experience they all come back sooner or later, but only because they need you. They remember how good you were to them. They may have just been dumped by another BPD or Narcissist. Maybe they were busted in their act and let go by someone with healthier boundaries. Maybe their current boyfriend got feed up with their drama. Don't be surprised. It will come when you least expect it. I had one three years later. When you are healed you wont take them back. That's closure.
Other things you need to know:
1. This has nothing to do with you. They are sick and you cannot help them.
2. This is the greatest day of your life. You just don't know it yet.
3. You are much stronger then they are in every way.
4. Even if you've humiliated yourself. They still can't win.
5. In my experience with 3 bpds. None have kept a relationship. They left a trail of train wrecks.
6. The new guy is going to suffer this too. Guaranteed.
7. This has nothing to do with your money, physical appearance or personality.
8. Don't try to understand mental illness.
9. You are going to look back and thank God this happened some day. Guaranteed.
10. You didn't do anything wrong.
11. You used to love being single before. You will again.
12. Your real soul mate is still searching for you and they are awesome.
13. I love you man.....
14. You will heal. They will not.
15. If you feel the need to help. Donate your time and money to abused children.
16. Adults are responsible for there actions. Child molesters were victims too once.
17. You are going to win this war. You already did.
18. Deep down they know they're not good enough for you.
19. Be proud of yourself. Honesty, truthfulness and loyalty are to be admired.
20. No contact is the key to healing now.
21. You just unloaded a huge problem on some sucker... FACT.
22. YOUR MISSION NOW IS TO GET BACK TO YOU. Anyway you look at it. Moving on helps you achieve your goal. Remember that confident guy she couldn't resist. The guy that laughed her right out of her pants. That's who you still are. You just trusted a loser and that happens to everyone. That's her shame not yours. Her loss too. Oh it's so their loss it's not even funny.
BPD girlfriends common treads
I have come to learn of borderline personality disorder through an obsessive search for answers in the horrible aftermath of the greatest love I have ever known. What I learned was three of the four heartbreaks of my life were at the hands of BPD's. The fourth was just your everyday lying, selfish bitch, but who knows. I believe we all have a little personality disorder sometimes.
The common threads of the three women in focus were:
1. All initially pursued me.
2. All told me what I wanted to hear. Flattery. A lot of it.
3. All were victims who claimed they were mistreated by their past lovers.
4. All were sexually aggressive, very satisfying and were undeniably satisfied.
5. All claimed we were soul mates.
6. All needed great attention.
7. All projected their flaws and insecurities on me.
8. All were so much fun to be with. On and off.
9. All lied, cheated and left with far less attractive men. None of those relationships lasted long.
10. All betrayed me and showed little if any genuine remorse. It was as if I suddenly meant nothing, for no reason and was given no explanation. Any attempt to get one was met with childlike frustration, insults or silence. There was no changing their decision or working out the mystery problem.
Its important to note that all BPD's are not equal. To keep it simple, they can be broken down into two groups. The outward aggressive and the passive aggressive. The outward being the classic raging, insulting, physically abusive and cruel bitch. The passive being the sweet and innocent lying machine. Referred to as the "Quiet" or "Waif" bpd. It has been my experience that the passive one can be far more damaging to you psychologically and spiritually. Reason being. You don't know that you have been abused the whole time until it's too late. A classic BPD gives you more then enough instability to say to yourself.... " I can't deal with this the rest of my life".
I am feeling generous today so I will remind you. These people a very sick and need a ton of compassion. However not from you anymore. They need a good therapist. Most likely so do you.
I think, I have just about made every wrong decision in dealing with this problem at one time or another with one girl or another. Many times I knew what to do but the emotion of heart break got the best of me. I will be sharing everything in a very unprofessional way if need be. Thoughts on how to get her back and also why you really don't want to do that. Either way it's the same advice and your best course of action anyway. I assume this will work the same for women as men. BPD is BPD. Borderline men are less talked about, more dangerous and probably the reason women think all men are pigs. If I help one person get through one day. It's worth it.
The common threads of the three women in focus were:
1. All initially pursued me.
2. All told me what I wanted to hear. Flattery. A lot of it.
3. All were victims who claimed they were mistreated by their past lovers.
4. All were sexually aggressive, very satisfying and were undeniably satisfied.
5. All claimed we were soul mates.
6. All needed great attention.
7. All projected their flaws and insecurities on me.
8. All were so much fun to be with. On and off.
9. All lied, cheated and left with far less attractive men. None of those relationships lasted long.
10. All betrayed me and showed little if any genuine remorse. It was as if I suddenly meant nothing, for no reason and was given no explanation. Any attempt to get one was met with childlike frustration, insults or silence. There was no changing their decision or working out the mystery problem.
Its important to note that all BPD's are not equal. To keep it simple, they can be broken down into two groups. The outward aggressive and the passive aggressive. The outward being the classic raging, insulting, physically abusive and cruel bitch. The passive being the sweet and innocent lying machine. Referred to as the "Quiet" or "Waif" bpd. It has been my experience that the passive one can be far more damaging to you psychologically and spiritually. Reason being. You don't know that you have been abused the whole time until it's too late. A classic BPD gives you more then enough instability to say to yourself.... " I can't deal with this the rest of my life".
I am feeling generous today so I will remind you. These people a very sick and need a ton of compassion. However not from you anymore. They need a good therapist. Most likely so do you.
I think, I have just about made every wrong decision in dealing with this problem at one time or another with one girl or another. Many times I knew what to do but the emotion of heart break got the best of me. I will be sharing everything in a very unprofessional way if need be. Thoughts on how to get her back and also why you really don't want to do that. Either way it's the same advice and your best course of action anyway. I assume this will work the same for women as men. BPD is BPD. Borderline men are less talked about, more dangerous and probably the reason women think all men are pigs. If I help one person get through one day. It's worth it.
BPD and the result of toxic love.
So here I am starting a blog because I have nothing better to do. Why? That's easy. I had sex with a girl... and then fell in love... and then she flew a plane into my building. This was no ordinary heart break. This was a full on assault of my mind, heart and soul. This was borderline personality disorder.
Before I begin I'd like to set the boundries for this blog. There are none. My emotions may take me any where. From the sweet, sensitive and sappy to vicious, violent and vengeful. If you have BPD then this is not for you. I do have great sympathy, understanding and compassion for you. However this is the Non's experience and you had your chance to get that from us...and you blew it.
This is my place and if you don't like it... Get out.
Before I begin I'd like to set the boundries for this blog. There are none. My emotions may take me any where. From the sweet, sensitive and sappy to vicious, violent and vengeful. If you have BPD then this is not for you. I do have great sympathy, understanding and compassion for you. However this is the Non's experience and you had your chance to get that from us...and you blew it.
This is my place and if you don't like it... Get out.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)