You have just been dumped and your BPD ex is already with some other guy. What should you do? The answer is nothing. Don't react to it. Sure that's a lot easier said then done. Especially since you feel like dying and the pain is unbearable. All you want in the world is to talk to them and express how much you love them. To prove to them your dedication and loyalty. You think if you could just make them see your sincerity and devotion they will realize you really care about this relationship and want this love to last forever... That's not going to work. They already believe that. They know it and it's why they are leaving with your heart as a trophy.
You want them back more then anything you have ever wanted in your life. Trust me, I know. I will save you the drama of how great it was, perhaps for another time. I want to focus on you right now and explain your relationship as it is. My dear friend your significant other has just declared war on you. Wake up right now!!! You are at war!!!
There is only one emotion you need to have right now and that is anger. Revel in it. Harness it. Hold yourself together with it. I mean it, because if you don't... If you allow one drop of sympathy for this person, you will spiral into an abyss of depression. A place they call home. You are in no state to compromise your self value by giving this sick person the satisfaction she/he is looking for. If you do you will only empower her/him. The only thing that will bring them back anyway, is your ability to care less then they do. Being that you really do care. You are going to have to summon your will to overcome this evil sneak attack on your soul. Anger is your best friend right now and motivational speaker. Never doubt that both are totally justified. (with in mature limits)
There is a ton of information that you need to know in detail. However, right now you are way behind in understanding what actually just happened. Here are a few things you need to know until you catch up with the reality of this nightmare.
Your girlfriend is possessed by Satan... Only kidding, but sometimes I really wonder.
Things to know right now:
1. The silent treatment is verbal abuse and it's intentional. Don't wait for that phone to ring. Two can play at that game and you better. Their lack of communication is an intentional avoidance of taking responsibility or admitting fault or injury. Any hint of an apology I got sounded forced or like a therapist texted it. It was not sincere.
2. Any attention, begging or pleading will empower them. This person does not love. They have mirrored you to get love and attention. That's why it felt so right. They need it in quantities no mortal can give.
3. They have done this before to many a guy and are expecting you to keep giving. They may call because now your suffering is just as satisfying as the love you gave them. Their concern is fake. You're on the other side now. Fear of abandonment vs fear of intimacy. Don't give them any satisfaction now. You got too close and they cannot let you closer but they'll enjoy the attention anyway. It wont help you. Pretending you don't really care is your only play. It may trigger their abandonment issue bringing them back. I know that's what you want, but don't fool yourself. They just proved they are not worthy of you. It may help to get some closure. In my experience they all come back sooner or later, but only because they need you. They remember how good you were to them. They may have just been dumped by another BPD or Narcissist. Maybe they were busted in their act and let go by someone with healthier boundaries. Maybe their current boyfriend got feed up with their drama. Don't be surprised. It will come when you least expect it. I had one three years later. When you are healed you wont take them back. That's closure.
Other things you need to know:
1. This has nothing to do with you. They are sick and you cannot help them.
2. This is the greatest day of your life. You just don't know it yet.
3. You are much stronger then they are in every way.
4. Even if you've humiliated yourself. They still can't win.
5. In my experience with 3 bpds. None have kept a relationship. They left a trail of train wrecks.
6. The new guy is going to suffer this too. Guaranteed.
7. This has nothing to do with your money, physical appearance or personality.
8. Don't try to understand mental illness.
9. You are going to look back and thank God this happened some day. Guaranteed.
10. You didn't do anything wrong.
11. You used to love being single before. You will again.
12. Your real soul mate is still searching for you and they are awesome.
13. I love you man.....
14. You will heal. They will not.
15. If you feel the need to help. Donate your time and money to abused children.
16. Adults are responsible for there actions. Child molesters were victims too once.
17. You are going to win this war. You already did.
18. Deep down they know they're not good enough for you.
19. Be proud of yourself. Honesty, truthfulness and loyalty are to be admired.
20. No contact is the key to healing now.
21. You just unloaded a huge problem on some sucker... FACT.
22. YOUR MISSION NOW IS TO GET BACK TO YOU. Anyway you look at it. Moving on helps you achieve your goal. Remember that confident guy she couldn't resist. The guy that laughed her right out of her pants. That's who you still are. You just trusted a loser and that happens to everyone. That's her shame not yours. Her loss too. Oh it's so their loss it's not even funny.