A new post after a long enjoyable affair with little Miss, Sweet Minx. Alas, it seems to have come to an end. A pity, but the result of enforcing healthy boundaries.
I cannot lie. Dating a girl half your age is not the best idea if you are looking for a loving wife. Fortunately for me, I knew that going in. What can I say, after years of recovering from a BPD my own age, the opportunity fell in my lap, and I could not resist indulging this sexy young woman offering herself to me.
Back to boundaries. They are the most important lesson you will learn from the soul crushing aftermath of your BPD relationship. Having healthy boundaries applies for all relationships, not just the ones involving bona fide emotional disorders. Miss Sweet Minx is the second girlfriend I've had since Miss BPD, and in both cases, enforcing healthy boundaries protected my heart from the delusion of endless romantic fantasy love many "healthy?" women seem to operate on.
The lesson here is this. All women are totally insane.... Just kidding, but it's fair to say people are crazy as hell, and when it comes to relationships, things like self awareness, reason, and healthy thinking can get very blurry for even the most seemingly healthy people.
As for Ms. Sweet Minx, I cannot say she had a disorder, but recognizing red flag behaviors like frequent anxiety, and depression cannot be ignored no matter how subtle the pattern develops. Enforcing healthy boundaries will cause everyday spoiled, selfish, little shits to expose themselves as untrustworthy users who don't really love you, or deserve you. Inevitably if you simply stand your ground, they will blow themselves up in their frustration to manipulate you into a submissive servant of their unquenchable emotional whims.
Does it hurt? Sure, it does, but it's not devastating because you saw it coming a mile away. In the end when they project, blame and devalue you, to justify selling you out for a more vulnerable source of narcissistic supply, you'll see them for who they really are. You'll grudgingly accept it, and let them fade into fond memories of a pretty good blow job. Good for you.
Hey Buddy,
ReplyDeleteIt's been close to eight months for me since I last saw my BPD ex. As it happens, I came across her profile on Face Book totally by accident today in one of those "People you may wish to meet".The caption read........"in a relationship with______". The name of the last person I saw her on top of when I made a surprise visit to her apartment last spring. So clearly, she has a good fresh start with the new guy. Happily there have been no attempts to contact me other than a few "unknown caller" calls several months ago.
The problem with all of this is that I thought I had moved on from most of this. Seeing what I saw today felt like getting hit by a truck.
I'm in a new relationship which isn't quite what I thought it might be but it's comfortable and this new girl really seems to have most of her act together but then there are the flags of which you speak so wisely. The anxiety, the subtle transition to anger, the constant unwillingness to try anything new. Sounds stupid but..........the wearing of clothes that are predominantly black and white (no colors) and the slightly unclear stories about her past relationships and how they ended.
There is way too much to write here but I do want to reach out and thank you for the advice you've provided in the past and those 13 some odd points. I always go back to them when I hit a down. You've been a remarkable ally in in maintenance of sanity which is why I visited your blog today.
Hope you are well.
HaHa!!!!! Its all good. Eventually you'll come full circle, and stronger than ever before.
DeleteHi Buddy,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for the blog really helped me realise that it was not all my fault
I am 47 years old my BPD Ex 41
Been together for 2 years about 30 break up
Was always the one texting wanting to work things out going to her place .... las couple months been very bad big fight physical abuse on her part almost broke my pinky bruises had to call Police twice in 6 months but I never laid any charges .... again after a week started to feel bad so started to text her again ... no response ... 2 weeks after
She text me that i should look in my stuff for her stetoscope ... told her i did not have it but she is welcome to come and look , she could bring her dog and i could take care of the dog the next day . She said she wanted to come and leave same night I said no ...
Next day i received a call from police to give stetoscope back I told the police I did not have it ... and said she waited pretty long to ask for it maybe she just lost the thing ... Police said yeah well she can buy another
And told me no contact or i will get arested for harrasement... ????
P.s.I did test it with some small text week apart she did not call police ( invited her for coffee). Then 4 days after sent so?
Will I hear from her again
Buddy
ReplyDeleteThis has been so helpful. Can I reach you via email?
Do you have an email I can write to you?
ReplyDeleteGoddamn man, I sure wish you were still updating this.
ReplyDeleteIt's nice to have a voice for the forgotten side of BPF