Wednesday, April 30, 2014
How to break up with someone
The reason you are in so much pain, is because you have been betrayed, cut off and abandoned cold by someone you loved. Remember this pain, and never, ever do that to another human being. Especially if you find yourself dating another emotionally disturbed person, and have to call it quits. You take their calls, and you stand your ground, and you hold their hand through it. You let them know you still care about them, while enforcing your boundaries. Even if you are right, and they are assholes. Why, because its your responsibility as a human. That is all.
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Wow!!!! What a write up!!! This is an eye opener an energy booster for people like me who have been used, accused of the worst, humiliated and dumped for having done nothing wrong!!!
ReplyDeleteAppreciate this article!!
God bless you!
Regards,
Sherry.
Thanks Sherry.
DeleteBuddy, my ex girlfriend is bpd or maybe worse.. she was always kinda cold, but proclaimed how I was the one and how she wants to marry me.. we even have an 8 month baby together. She started letting the baby stay with her grandmother too much because she felt overwhelmed. She didn't work. Plus I helped! I paid her way for almost two years. The only time I felt love is when she was in bed with Me. I always had the gut feeling she was off.. like I couldn't trust her. Mainly because it seems like she had all guy friends. But the day before she left, she had sex with me multiple times love bombed me.. made my lunch for work and text me all day. When I got home she was gone. It's been 7 weeks.. she will not call or nothing I've not heard a word. It's like she disappeared. Please help.
ReplyDeleteBreath Billy. The only advice I can give you is to accept the situation for what it is. How it makes you feel, and what has actually taken place are worlds apart. You need to understand that, to protect yourself from a psychological injury here. Sorry to offer you the cliche, that the truth will set you free, but its the only thing that will. First understand who you are dealing with and devalue any notion that you are morally equal to someone who behaves like a spoiled child and runs away from home, with no warning, word or explanation. Devalue any notion that you mentally, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, or biologically equal to this person. You my friend are vastly superior. Its not even close. She just proved how weak, and inferior she is to you. She just proved how unworthy she is of you. That's not to be mean, its just the harsh reality. You need to keep that brutal truth in perspective because her actions will make you feel like shit, and you'll start to devalue yourself. There's nothing you could have done to avoid this, and you weren't even given an opportunity. You;re not a fucking mind reader, just a good man, and you're going to be okay, because you can handle your shit. She, on the other hand, cannot. There will be no victory for her, no real love with what ever lonely bastard is being used right now to boost her ego, and need for attention. She feels like shit, and a loser in life, and this makes her feel important, without actually having to do, or accomplish something. Its a band aid for a severed limb, and it won't last. She's not calling because she can't face you, the shame of her actions, but she can't block them out forever. She thinking and dreaming about you. The potency of this quick, irrational fix will wear off, and she'll be back. Stay on good terms with the mother in law. Love that kid twice as much. Rise above any wound to your ego, this does not define you, only her. You can only wait for her to work out the mess in her head. It has nothing to do with you or anyone else. Don't beat yourself up, build yourself up. You're going to be fine.
ReplyDeleteThis is one of the greatest words of wisdom and love I have ever seen anyone give to another stranger. You are a gift to many, Buddy Goodlove. That woman that broke you lost out on a truly incredible human being. What a loss for her. Thanks for taking the time to comfort us who sit through this chaos. Thank you for the hope and the affirmation that being a good man is not being weak. Is not being "beta". a thousand thanks.
DeleteThis is one of the greatest words of wisdom and love I have ever seen anyone give to another stranger. You are a gift to many, Buddy Goodlove. That woman that broke you lost out on a truly incredible human being. What a loss for her. Thanks for taking the time to comfort us who sit through this chaos. Thank you for the hope and the affirmation that being a good man is not being weak. Is not being "beta". a thousand thanks.
DeleteShe painted me black with the mother in law. She changed her deactivated her Facebook everything. It's been almost two months. How could have sex with me and kiss me and even wash my clothes then just disappear? I saw red flags but she was so strong... I won't lie, I've cried every day for 8 weeks. I can't find her anywhere. This silent treatment is brutal.
ReplyDeleteThat's not surprising. Her mother is probably the enabling nutter most responsible for her selfish psycho behavior. She may live vicariously through her daughter, and have nothing else in her miserable life to do but resent men for her failure to achieve anything her self. I know how you feel, and you've been broken by this sneak attack. You don't have to lie. There is no shame in being stabbed in the back by a low life piece of shit that only cares about themselves. That's the truth. That useless bitch, is no less a soulless psycho than the latest spree killer in the news. The only difference is she can temporarily inject herself with the attention she craves, by preying on unsuspecting lonely men. If she has taken the kid from you, you are at war, and expect a lawyer to serve you with a her demands and false accusations of abuse, neglect, and what ever she can make up to get money out of you. You should talk to a lawyer, and get some advice to get get ahead of this thing. If you have money, I'd get a private investigator to document her behavior. I'd also be prepared to record any conversation that will arrive sooner or later. Its coming. As for your mental health, this is very dangerous place to be. You are overwhelmed with grief, and have been blind sided, with no ability to defend yourself. Psychologically you've been dealt a vicious assault on your self worth, respect, honor and character. She has none of these qualities and is way too stupid and selfish to know. She believes she is equal, and therefore the victim, merely because she is unhappy with herself. Unable to take responsibility for her behavior, or supporting herself, you by default must be the fall guy, for her morally bankrupt emotional nightmare existence. Your story really pisses me off. What a pathetic cunt. She's earned the word. This parasitical hooker deserves no sympathy. Her screwed up mind is no excuse, and the pitiful victim sobbery she'll cloaks her fangs with are poison. That who you are dealing with, and until she admits she's wrong, sick and and seeks professional mental help, deny her any satisfaction, attention, or pain you may be feeling. Your only advantage is your a healthy valuable person, and emotionally smarter than her, and she cannot feel valuable with out your consent. Give her nothing. Give her indifference. No anger, no rage, no resentment, no pity, no sympathy and no value in your life. You just care about your kid, thats it. That will fuck her up the most. She can't truly love that kid and its more of a prop she'll use. You'll have to summon all your will to hold back your outrage, which she expects. Don't give it to her. Don't try to try to manipulate her either, she assume your trying to either way. She'll buff her power, and lack of care, don't fall for it. Accept the silent treatment, its proof of her weakness, and inferiority, and just a false display of power. Give her nothing, and she'll crumble in her own thoughts, as long as you don't play her game. Down doubt that its working, it will. The truth is she is a paper tiger with big roar. You are a real lion, patient, capable, smart, brave and strong as fuck. You can handle anything. I love you man.
DeleteWow.. thanks... My neighbor told me today She has drove by my house twice. I was gone both times. And yes her mother is off too. You can't be nice to her mother. My ex will fall. And thank you so much.
ReplyDeleteHaHa, she drove by twice. Too funny. As mad as I get, its because I'm identify with the pain that's been inflicted on you. I'd rather get hit by car. With out knowing what going on its brutal, and you have to suffer through it until time reveals the truth. I don't want you to hate her for it, its often not as much of a malicious act, as it feels. Its more of an act of desperation, and fear that has nothing to do with you. What's important to me is you don't blame yourself because you've been left out there with no answers, by someone who's not really an adult, and doesn't know what the hell they are doing. She'll build up the courage to face you, soon. Good luck, man.
DeleteThank you for everything.
ReplyDeleteHey Billy, what has happened since your last post? Did she ever decide to actually speak to you and if so what happened and what's going on now with you? Your story is helpling others who are experiencing the same issues. Would love to read an update from you.
DeleteBuddy, you are a legend, cutting down Crazy where ever you see them. You should be president of all therapists. They should all come to you for your manifesto on dealing with Crazy....
ReplyDeleteThis blog has helped me beyond belief. More than an entire month of searching for answers online, a therapist, self help books, friends, prayer, anything...
ReplyDeleteMy bpd husband left me and our 10 month old (again) 1 month ago suddenly and I haven't heard ONE word from him. Or his mother whom I've tried to reach out to. He won't give me my belongings or the car info so I can tag it, because tag is expired, or make payments, which are now late and am afraid it will get repossessed from me. Also afraid that's what he wants. The silence is deafening and grossly painful, and the not knowing what's going on or if I'll ever hear from him again even worse somehow. I wouldn't be surprised if he is with someone else. He's painted me black best he could but luckily, a lot of people don't believe him anymore. We've only been together 3 years, but friends since we were 9 & 10. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, to be served divorce papers, hear something from him.... When he first left I randomly heard from a mutual friend who's makt his friend, prying and asking me a lot of questions and starting drama with me, sending me screenshots of him talking shit about me and our child being a "bastard"... Between that and his evil Facebook posts I at least felt he was trying to get my attention.... Now I feel he's entirely forgot about me. Out of sight out of mind. While I am trying my best to be a good mother and protect her from the pain I'm in, trying my best to focus on me and moving forward with my life, I still lay awake night after night playing things over in my head and wondering what he's doing, what's going to happen. From thinking the worse, to laughing, to crying yet again and relentless sobbing, trying to stuff a pillow over my face so no one hears, especially our daughter. Your blog and you just being open sharing your thoughts and experiences has been so helpful I cannot thank you enough! It is so accurate it's almost like they're all reading from the same damn script. It almost begins to help me make sense of insanity which you cannot make sense of. THANK YOU. I hope this finds you happy and whole!!! Your insight is SO refreshing! I hope you're writing a book.
There is a guy that goes by Rick who's started some self help website about getting your BPD ex... "Reignitethefire.com" or something like that.... He sounds so uninformed and like a complete sham. Sounds like he may actually be the BPD one always defending them and giving BAD advice to people. I worry bc he is messing with people lives, mental well being, etc.... I wish someone like you with actual experience and healthy advice could help put a stop to his BS. I'm worried his website is going to guide trouble, emotionally vulnerable people into a worsening mental state, and even put them in danger. Anyway that's off topic... But maybe you have heard of it or could look into it.... It angers me to see someone so uninformed profiting off people's pain and putting their emotional and mental well being in jeopardy. Vulnerable, desperate people stumble across his crap all the time and I imagine it goes left quite often for them. He refuses to state his credentials but happy to take profit....
Back on subject - THANK YOU for your incredibly insightful articles and the peace of mind they've given me. You've even managed to give me a much needs slaughter here and there. Take care!!
Much needed **laughter
DeleteThanks, just read this. Its all good Moonshine.
DeleteHey guys, an update on my bpd ex who disappeared with our baby. Well next month will mark the two year anniversary. She has not said one word to me. Funny thing happened on my Facebook though. I added this attractive woman to my friends list and we chatted back and forth for a few months. Well all of a sudden this woman let me know she knew who I was and what I was about lol. It was one of my exes friends!!!!! I was in shock!! Let me be clear, their is NO reason for her friend to like my pictures and talk to me on Facebook unless she was stalking my page. After all why would her friend do that if I abused her bff???? Right?? These people never forget you they stalk you quietly in the shadows and they run your name into the ground. I have a reason to stalk my ex because she literally vanished one day without explanation taking our child. She has no reason too but does I think. I'm doing great in life now. I have an amazing girlfriend who is caring and funny.... I could careless about my ex. She WILL have karma one day.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the update Billy. I'm very sorry to hear she took your child away from you, but very happy you found someone else and you could care less about your ex now. This gives us hope for our future as we are suffering now.
DeleteBuddy, it gets better with time. The one thing that saved my life is looking at her past.... Study them, investigate them and you WILL find all the answers you need. When my ex left she forget to take a couple note books and what she wrote in them would scare you! She truly is a sad person. I feel sorry for her more than anything because I know she will never have a complete life like we can have.
DeleteBuddy Goodlove, why do they run your name into the ground?! I literally don't do that to her so why does she do this
ReplyDeleteThe same reason children throws temper tantrums. The answers for her behavior, are not complicated, they are very simple. Because she's a fucking loser... a scum queen... a hysterical bag of emotional retardation.
DeleteThanks man. You always know what to say. You know? I really want to get on my Facebook and say and some shit but I don't. Her friend stayed on my Facebook and I didn't realize she knew this chick! Now why would her friend stay on my Facebook as friends if I treated her friend that way?! Was she spying on me or am my overthinking
ReplyDeleteLOL!!!! They always spy. I never say it on Facebook either. Don't give her the satisfaction.
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