So you have been betrayed, and discarded by an emotionally traumatized adult child, and now you are suffering the withdrawal from the fantasy of love, and a false reality you have come to identify as your world. Adrenaline pumps through you as if you're in danger. Obsessive negative thoughts flood your head in visions like a DVD player on fast forward. Your stomach suffers an infestation of psychotic butterflies, and you've just discovered a new weight loss program that really works well. Depression has arrived, and rushed in to fill the void of your missing world. You attempt to cope.
Your first instinct is denial. You just want the pain to go away, and like a junky you will do and say anything to return to your comfort zone. You want answers, and you'll seek them from anyone, searching for the magic potion to make your significantly damaged other return to you. You'll dive head first into the hands of hustlers and parasites waiting to capitalize and profit on your pain.
You'll consume horoscopes, Tarot readings, and even psychic palm readers looking for hope. You spend hours taking advice from an industry of parasites who want to give you the guaranteed formula to get your ex back, and psychologically trick them into being in love with you, for a discounted price if you buy NOW.
Do yourself a huge favor and fuck those scumbag predators. They will prolong your pain, with their false hope, secret knowledge, and bargain bullshit. That's the last crap you need. Numbing the pain with drugs, and alcohol has more class than those parasites.
Your only path to recovering from this is loving and defending yourself. If you have a few good friends, and family members, you don't even need a therapist to guide you back to healthy thinking. You need to focus on the "truths", not the fantasies, if only's, or I should haves.
1. Devalue the twisted opinions, criticism, and delusions of your ex, because they have no value.
2. Forgive yourself for being unaware of your ex's true identity, and weak character.
3. Set some simple positive goals, and habits that will pay off down the road.
4. Don't sit around doing nothing, get out there and build new memories. Give your mind something to do.
5. Exorcize, exsorcise, excersize, any way you spell it, it pays dividends.
6. Be proud you are the good guy. There is no substitute for being the good guy.
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
How to break up with someone
The reason you are in so much pain, is because you have been betrayed, cut off and abandoned cold by someone you loved. Remember this pain, and never, ever do that to another human being. Especially if you find yourself dating another emotionally disturbed person, and have to call it quits. You take their calls, and you stand your ground, and you hold their hand through it. You let them know you still care about them, while enforcing your boundaries. Even if you are right, and they are assholes. Why, because its your responsibility as a human. That is all.
Monday, April 28, 2014
BPD... The Fragile Nutter
So years ago this thin and reasonably attractive girl gives me one of the best compliments I've ever gotten, and that's saying a lot. It was so good I was embarrassed, and she did it in front of a whole bunch of people including a smoking hot Aussie, that looked at me stunned when she heard it. It made me feel pretty good. The sucker for flattery that I am, had a new friend. Lets call her, Twiggy. I would run into her at work often and smoke cigarettes, and have long talks about all sorts of things. She was cute, shy, and a little bohemian homely but I kind of like that, and she really seemed the want me. Before long I agreed to give her what she obviously wanted, and we were set to go out on a date. When the time came I gave her a call and I don't know what changed but she became very nervous and paranoid, so I said okay and backed out gracefully. I met another girl and fell in love.
Twiggy and I continued to chat at work, and she mentioned all the wild sex she was having with her new boyfriend. Years later after I went through my heartbreaking ordeal, Twiggy and I started talking again more often. She had been through an abusive relationship, and we talked about these issues, and all we had learned from our experiences. She ended up moving back home to Florida temporarily. Months later I get a call and Twiggy wants to come back to L.A. soon, and wants to know if she can move in with me. I'm considering it, because I'm over my break up, sort of, and lonely, and just want to move on, but still its a lot. She's suggesting we get romantic, but take it slow, and she doesn't have the money yet, so we have time. I agreed, and we talked on the phone here and there for months. Anyway, we are talking as usual, and I'm flirting with her, and trying to make her feel good, and I mention I can't wait to jump her bones. I guess that was bad, because she exploded into a long hysterical hissy fit, accusing me of all sorts of absurd things, like I violated her, and it became obvious she was spying on me, on facebook, and reading into my every innocent comment. I'd seen that behavior before, and was quite educated about it. I stood my ground calmly and shook my head. This was no normal shy girl, she was a fragile nutter, and I wrote her off quick. She left me a few more paranoid texts, but once you've gone through this with someone you were deeply in love with, and climbed, and educated your way back to sanity, with an understanding of what is going on, these looney tunes cannot rattle you. You'll feel like your dealing with a child, and you kinda are. Sad. Oh well, your loss Twiggy. The second you hear that explosive raging rant, you know you are dealing with an abusive control freak, hiding behind a victim mask. Don't think lowering your standards will buy you any appreciation, or loyalty. It doesn't work like that, you're just selling yourself short.
Twiggy and I continued to chat at work, and she mentioned all the wild sex she was having with her new boyfriend. Years later after I went through my heartbreaking ordeal, Twiggy and I started talking again more often. She had been through an abusive relationship, and we talked about these issues, and all we had learned from our experiences. She ended up moving back home to Florida temporarily. Months later I get a call and Twiggy wants to come back to L.A. soon, and wants to know if she can move in with me. I'm considering it, because I'm over my break up, sort of, and lonely, and just want to move on, but still its a lot. She's suggesting we get romantic, but take it slow, and she doesn't have the money yet, so we have time. I agreed, and we talked on the phone here and there for months. Anyway, we are talking as usual, and I'm flirting with her, and trying to make her feel good, and I mention I can't wait to jump her bones. I guess that was bad, because she exploded into a long hysterical hissy fit, accusing me of all sorts of absurd things, like I violated her, and it became obvious she was spying on me, on facebook, and reading into my every innocent comment. I'd seen that behavior before, and was quite educated about it. I stood my ground calmly and shook my head. This was no normal shy girl, she was a fragile nutter, and I wrote her off quick. She left me a few more paranoid texts, but once you've gone through this with someone you were deeply in love with, and climbed, and educated your way back to sanity, with an understanding of what is going on, these looney tunes cannot rattle you. You'll feel like your dealing with a child, and you kinda are. Sad. Oh well, your loss Twiggy. The second you hear that explosive raging rant, you know you are dealing with an abusive control freak, hiding behind a victim mask. Don't think lowering your standards will buy you any appreciation, or loyalty. It doesn't work like that, you're just selling yourself short.
Monday, October 7, 2013
BPD: She came back
So after three years, I finally got to see her, face to face. I couldn't resist the opportunity to see what I had been so upset over, for so long. The after math, had become bigger than her, and lasted more than twice as long as the relationship, itself.
I was worried all those emotions would pour out, but also wanted them to, at the same time. I think, I wanted her to see, the tormenting pain she put me through. It didn't happen. We went to lunch and talked as if nothing had happened, and it was as comfortable, as if nothing had happened. She told me she was planning to leave (AKA)Jimmy, the abusive, old, fat, finally employed, guy she was living with, but couldn't move back to LA. Later, we briefly hung out, in her hotel room, and hugged, and said goodbye.
Two weeks later, she posted on FB something about " With out, (AKA) Jerry, she has no reason to be here", and swallowed a whole bottle of Xanax, and tried to kill herself. She had to be revived several times, and spent a few days in the hospital. They diagnosed her with PTSD, and recommended therapy. I am glad, she is getting help, but all I can wonder is, who the fuck is Jerry?
So, there it is... It is what it is... I'm not going to rant about my selfish feelings, when I know she is really sick, and can't help it, and, I am not, and can...but if I was. It would sound like this...
Are you fucking kidding me! You broke my heart, to bounce from weirdo's to losers, and kill yourself? That, is what I suffered for? They're not even good looking, or have money either. At least, I'm an extra handsome bastard, who made you laugh, and committed to you. Bitch, do you have any idea of how many irresistible invitations, I resisted, for you? You just threw it away, for nothing. You were special, to me. You were the one worth sacrificing for.
I was worried all those emotions would pour out, but also wanted them to, at the same time. I think, I wanted her to see, the tormenting pain she put me through. It didn't happen. We went to lunch and talked as if nothing had happened, and it was as comfortable, as if nothing had happened. She told me she was planning to leave (AKA)Jimmy, the abusive, old, fat, finally employed, guy she was living with, but couldn't move back to LA. Later, we briefly hung out, in her hotel room, and hugged, and said goodbye.
Two weeks later, she posted on FB something about " With out, (AKA) Jerry, she has no reason to be here", and swallowed a whole bottle of Xanax, and tried to kill herself. She had to be revived several times, and spent a few days in the hospital. They diagnosed her with PTSD, and recommended therapy. I am glad, she is getting help, but all I can wonder is, who the fuck is Jerry?
So, there it is... It is what it is... I'm not going to rant about my selfish feelings, when I know she is really sick, and can't help it, and, I am not, and can...but if I was. It would sound like this...
Are you fucking kidding me! You broke my heart, to bounce from weirdo's to losers, and kill yourself? That, is what I suffered for? They're not even good looking, or have money either. At least, I'm an extra handsome bastard, who made you laugh, and committed to you. Bitch, do you have any idea of how many irresistible invitations, I resisted, for you? You just threw it away, for nothing. You were special, to me. You were the one worth sacrificing for.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
BPD: Hoover, She's coming back
It has been three years, and one week, since I was burned by the person, I love most. I'd be lying to say, I haven't thought about her everyday since. This is the girl, that gave birth to this blog, that we are talking about.
After the first year of hell, where I was shut out completely, we had a once a month, or two, communication. She is with some guy, and not happy with him. Lately we share a brief text, with more frequency. Today, she unloaded on me, with an apology that made me cry. She is admitting she went crazy, and made big mistakes, she wants to correct. She is telling me she is coming home soon, and how much she loves me, misses me, and is so sorry. She even mentioned she wants a do over, and she doesn't want to be sick, anymore. She seems to have found Jesus, too. As much as I have prayed, dreamed, and hoped to hear those words, they have been my greatest fear for a while now. What's scarier, is, I believe, she believes it. She friended me, on Facebook, after being blocked, this whole time.
Why is it my greatest fear? Because I love this fucked up girl, more than anything, and know, I have no ability to resist, that which, I want most, even though, it will fucking kill me. How could I take her back? All the people that consoled me, cared about me, and nursed me back to health, would flip the fuck out. I would be walking on egg shells, waiting for it to happen again. Knowing, odds are, it will. Is a few months of pure happiness, and great sex, worth that? I feel like Frodo, holding the ring, over the lava, of Mount Doom. My precious. "Just throw it in, you little Hobbit bastard"!
After the first year of hell, where I was shut out completely, we had a once a month, or two, communication. She is with some guy, and not happy with him. Lately we share a brief text, with more frequency. Today, she unloaded on me, with an apology that made me cry. She is admitting she went crazy, and made big mistakes, she wants to correct. She is telling me she is coming home soon, and how much she loves me, misses me, and is so sorry. She even mentioned she wants a do over, and she doesn't want to be sick, anymore. She seems to have found Jesus, too. As much as I have prayed, dreamed, and hoped to hear those words, they have been my greatest fear for a while now. What's scarier, is, I believe, she believes it. She friended me, on Facebook, after being blocked, this whole time.
Why is it my greatest fear? Because I love this fucked up girl, more than anything, and know, I have no ability to resist, that which, I want most, even though, it will fucking kill me. How could I take her back? All the people that consoled me, cared about me, and nursed me back to health, would flip the fuck out. I would be walking on egg shells, waiting for it to happen again. Knowing, odds are, it will. Is a few months of pure happiness, and great sex, worth that? I feel like Frodo, holding the ring, over the lava, of Mount Doom. My precious. "Just throw it in, you little Hobbit bastard"!
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
BPD TRAINWRECK: My best friend Logan
Logan has been my best friend, since the fourth grade. He is one of the most decent, reliable, trustworthy, intelligent, considerate and normal people, I know. The guy is brilliant really, and consumes books, like most people watch TV. He is often my personal information center, for questions about history, and computers. In my opinion, he is a better person than, I am. More responsible, and never fucked anyone over in his whole life. He has almost an innocent quality about him. The perfect mark, for a BPD succubus from hell.
A decade ago, when I moved to L.A., Logan's family coincidentally moved to Vegas. He started a new life there, and was happy to leave the scumbag losers of our home town behind. His new life took off, as he took work at a college, and was promoted quickly, due to his organized, disciplined ways. It wasn't long after, he was assigned student volunteers, when he met a toxic bitch, straight from the abyss. Lets call her, Evilynn.
Evilynn, began flirting with Logan, and teasing him with her sexual fantasies. She began sexting him, with the wild things things she wanted to do, with him. If you knew Logan, and the shy, and lonely type of nice guy he is, you'd know, the excitement, and attention of this was irresistible to him. It got him high, and feeling great, and addicted to that feeling. Unfortunately, this mind screwing whore, began making dates, promises, and invitations that, she backed out of at the last minute, only to reassure him, and do it again. He spent thousand planning the greatest dates ever, only to be stood up. He would get shit faced waiting by himself, and fell into depression.
Eventually, he meet another BPD girl at the bar, that took him home and screwed his brains out. She was psycho, but fullfilled every sexual fantasy he was promised, by Evilynn. Having never really even kissed or even touched Evilynn, she faded away, and he stopped giving her attention.
A few month passed of no contact, and Evilynn found out about the relationship, and decided to accuse Logan of sexual harrassment, showing the school photos, he sent her, of his book collection, proving a personal relationship. When he explained they never had a relationship, and showed her sexual texts, it didn't matter. He was fired, and soon, lost his apartment, and had to move back in with his parents. The trauma and loss from this humiliating, and financially devestating blow, still has not corrected itself years later. He is not the same, psychologically, and struggles with stress, and severe depression. It couldn't happen to a nicer guy.
A decade ago, when I moved to L.A., Logan's family coincidentally moved to Vegas. He started a new life there, and was happy to leave the scumbag losers of our home town behind. His new life took off, as he took work at a college, and was promoted quickly, due to his organized, disciplined ways. It wasn't long after, he was assigned student volunteers, when he met a toxic bitch, straight from the abyss. Lets call her, Evilynn.
Evilynn, began flirting with Logan, and teasing him with her sexual fantasies. She began sexting him, with the wild things things she wanted to do, with him. If you knew Logan, and the shy, and lonely type of nice guy he is, you'd know, the excitement, and attention of this was irresistible to him. It got him high, and feeling great, and addicted to that feeling. Unfortunately, this mind screwing whore, began making dates, promises, and invitations that, she backed out of at the last minute, only to reassure him, and do it again. He spent thousand planning the greatest dates ever, only to be stood up. He would get shit faced waiting by himself, and fell into depression.
Eventually, he meet another BPD girl at the bar, that took him home and screwed his brains out. She was psycho, but fullfilled every sexual fantasy he was promised, by Evilynn. Having never really even kissed or even touched Evilynn, she faded away, and he stopped giving her attention.
A few month passed of no contact, and Evilynn found out about the relationship, and decided to accuse Logan of sexual harrassment, showing the school photos, he sent her, of his book collection, proving a personal relationship. When he explained they never had a relationship, and showed her sexual texts, it didn't matter. He was fired, and soon, lost his apartment, and had to move back in with his parents. The trauma and loss from this humiliating, and financially devestating blow, still has not corrected itself years later. He is not the same, psychologically, and struggles with stress, and severe depression. It couldn't happen to a nicer guy.
Saturday, April 7, 2012
How many red flags should a person tolerate
I just ended a 5 month relationship, I should have ended two months ago. Having had several people, whom I've befriended, reveal themselves as bonifide psycho or worse, I hesitate to believe the law of averages has brought me, yet another. They can't all be crazy? Can they? This is Hollywood, after all. The pool of narcissism is over flowing, here. Just this week, I met a fat, old, druggie, slob, who raved about his days in Europe, as a famous photographer of super models, while blaming capitalism and Nancy Reagan's "Just say no" mantra, for his lack of success. He gave me a business card and tried to sell me headshots. Any way...
ALICE, is a hopeful actress and musician in her late twenties. She is funny, with a sexy body and very, very cute face. Skin like a baby. The problem is, cute is unacceptable, to the point of lementing needed plastic surgery. Daddy issues emerged to be the source of this obvious low self esteem.
I did not recall the first time we met, she did. A year earlier she must have been the victim of one my depressing conversations about my ex's psycho condition. I was a wreck, I have no memory of it. She had a psycho ex too and seemed to understand. We agreed to take things slow.
The thing about red flags is, you dismiss them as normal until you realize, there are red flags all over the place. Its tricky. Compared to the ex, Alice's seemed very healthy. However the flags started piling up. Temper tantrums appeared over the dumbest topics, in which she was proven wrong everytime. She began attacking me for being friends with women, who I've known for decades, and even Facebook gaming friends, I've never spoke to. None are even in this state. Another flag I over looked was, her reaction to a youtube video, I was watching about narcissistic women. She had big a problem with it. When one such argument led to her calling me broken and, throwing my ex in my face, I should have walked. She apologized but before long, did it again with a screaming fit of paranoid accusations.
For many years I've said, if a person accuses you of cheating, and you are not, then they are cheating on you. I learned that the hard way. Although I have no proof of cheating, she did maintain a relationship with an ex, who lives in her building. He watches her dog and they watched the Superbowl together drinking alcohol. When I tried to explain the insane hypocrisy of her busting my balls, over a text from an ancient ex, 3000 miles away, she accused me of being just like her jealous psycho ex, and accused me of taking out my ex's problems on her. It was blantant projection.
Finally, the other day, I passed out after work and called her late. She sucked me into her, not pretty enough, crap. Stupidly, I told her to be thankful because, she could be, the very ugly girl, I saw on set that day, placed next to a ridiculosly beautiful girl. Alice went into asshole mode and accused me of hating women. I couldn't help it, I called her a dumb cunt. Its just true, I can't deny it anymore. She then accused me of being disrespectful and is now giving me the silent treatment. It's not working.
I don't know, if that quailfies her as psycho or not. Psychology needs to get rid of all the labels and make a simple, degree of crazy chart. Maybe even a dating handbook inspired by Richard Simmons, Deal a meal. If you can move 3 of the 20 most common red flags, over to the Psycho side, then you're done dating for the day. Yay.
ALICE, is a hopeful actress and musician in her late twenties. She is funny, with a sexy body and very, very cute face. Skin like a baby. The problem is, cute is unacceptable, to the point of lementing needed plastic surgery. Daddy issues emerged to be the source of this obvious low self esteem.
I did not recall the first time we met, she did. A year earlier she must have been the victim of one my depressing conversations about my ex's psycho condition. I was a wreck, I have no memory of it. She had a psycho ex too and seemed to understand. We agreed to take things slow.
The thing about red flags is, you dismiss them as normal until you realize, there are red flags all over the place. Its tricky. Compared to the ex, Alice's seemed very healthy. However the flags started piling up. Temper tantrums appeared over the dumbest topics, in which she was proven wrong everytime. She began attacking me for being friends with women, who I've known for decades, and even Facebook gaming friends, I've never spoke to. None are even in this state. Another flag I over looked was, her reaction to a youtube video, I was watching about narcissistic women. She had big a problem with it. When one such argument led to her calling me broken and, throwing my ex in my face, I should have walked. She apologized but before long, did it again with a screaming fit of paranoid accusations.
For many years I've said, if a person accuses you of cheating, and you are not, then they are cheating on you. I learned that the hard way. Although I have no proof of cheating, she did maintain a relationship with an ex, who lives in her building. He watches her dog and they watched the Superbowl together drinking alcohol. When I tried to explain the insane hypocrisy of her busting my balls, over a text from an ancient ex, 3000 miles away, she accused me of being just like her jealous psycho ex, and accused me of taking out my ex's problems on her. It was blantant projection.
Finally, the other day, I passed out after work and called her late. She sucked me into her, not pretty enough, crap. Stupidly, I told her to be thankful because, she could be, the very ugly girl, I saw on set that day, placed next to a ridiculosly beautiful girl. Alice went into asshole mode and accused me of hating women. I couldn't help it, I called her a dumb cunt. Its just true, I can't deny it anymore. She then accused me of being disrespectful and is now giving me the silent treatment. It's not working.
I don't know, if that quailfies her as psycho or not. Psychology needs to get rid of all the labels and make a simple, degree of crazy chart. Maybe even a dating handbook inspired by Richard Simmons, Deal a meal. If you can move 3 of the 20 most common red flags, over to the Psycho side, then you're done dating for the day. Yay.
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