Monday, October 7, 2013

BPD: She came back

So after three years, I  finally got to see her, face to face. I couldn't resist the opportunity to see what I had been so upset over, for so long. The after math, had become bigger than her, and lasted more than twice as long as the relationship, itself.
  I was worried all those emotions would pour out, but also wanted them to, at the same time. I think, I wanted her to see, the tormenting pain she put me through. It didn't happen. We went to lunch and talked as if nothing had happened, and it was as comfortable, as if nothing had happened. She told me she was planning to leave (AKA)Jimmy, the abusive, old, fat, finally employed, guy she was living with, but couldn't move back to LA.  Later, we briefly hung out, in her hotel room, and hugged, and said goodbye.
  Two weeks later, she posted on FB something about " With out, (AKA) Jerry, she has no reason to be here", and  swallowed a whole bottle of Xanax, and tried to kill herself. She had to be revived several times, and spent a few days in the hospital. They diagnosed her with PTSD, and recommended therapy. I am glad, she is getting help, but all I can wonder is, who the fuck is Jerry?

So, there it is... It is what it is... I'm not going to rant about my selfish feelings, when I know she is really sick, and can't help it, and, I am not, and can...but if I was. It would sound like this...

Are you fucking kidding me! You broke my heart, to bounce from weirdo's to losers, and kill yourself? That, is what I suffered for? They're not even good looking, or have money either. At least, I'm an extra handsome bastard, who made you laugh, and committed to you. Bitch, do you have any idea of how many irresistible invitations, I resisted, for you? You just threw it away, for nothing. You were special, to me. You were the one worth sacrificing for.